Friday, August 27, 2010

Thank You All!!

To Fed Up, Piglet, Almost.Skinny, Kandie, miss Alisha, Ixia, Tara, and heavnlypi (did I forget anyone?)-

Thank you for all the kind comments and words of encouragement. Posting these personal pictures was a bit risky for my self-esteem but you gals are awesome. The internet can be a cruel place since people can hide behind their anonymity but so far, I found respect among fellow bloggers (even if I’m a newbie).

Also, thank you to everyone who is following me or even just visiting. I hope this will continue to be a positive experience but either way, it’s been worth it. I will do my best to post regularly, but as I’m sure most of you know, this is quite time consuming (and addictive). I’ll try to set up a system to both read fellow bloggers and post.

I love sharing advice, experiences, ideas, and thoughts but I am by no means a know-it-all. I may at times come off as one but that’s only because I love doing research and I am passionate about engaging in conversations and debates. Since some of you are dealing with issues that I only know as an outsider, please keep in mind that I never judge or assume that I know what’s best for anyone.

My heart goes out to those experiencing ana and/or mia but I will not preach or tell people what to do. All of you come across as intelligent and resourceful people and seem aware of the risks involved in some of the behavior. However, life is a journey and both successful choices and mistakes lead to a deeper understanding on so many levels. The more we own who we are, the stronger and more compassionate we become.

I’m going to stop here since I think shorter entries are easier to absorb. Again, thank you all so much for giving me a boost of confidence as I seem to always have a warped view of my inner and outer appearance.

Have an amazing weekend and I look forward to getting to know all of you. As we say in yoga, Namaste!!!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

First Post

A little bit about me:

I’m a 36 year old woman and I’ve struggled with my body image since I was quite young. By 3rd grade, I was developing breasts. By 6th grade, I was 5ft 6in. with an hourglass figure. I’m sure I’m not the only one who dealt with early development and being mocked by the skinny girls. It’s a common scenario and a struggle for many.

My stats:

Height- 5’7.5” barefoot (all my medical records have me at 5’8” or 5’9”)

Highest Weight- 155 lbs (only hit this a couple times in my life- thank you college)

Lowest Weight- not sure. When I was 17, I got sick and dropped to 118 but that was brief.

Additional weight history: For most of my adult life, I’ve been around 138 to 150, sometimes a little lower, sometimes higher. This weight is healthy and perfectly fine but we all have our own idea of what we want, right?

Current Weight- Somewhere between 122 and 127lbs I guess. I don’t own a scale.

Current Measurements- 34-25-36

As I said, I’ve had body image issues for most of my life, but I’ve always strived to be healthy. I know the dangers of low caloric intake but I was tired of the constant up and down. Often, I found myself restricting my eating but this led to more depression, anxiety, and erratic behavior. I have finally turned to Bikram yoga and I can’t believe how much it streamlines the body. I’m leaner, healthier, stronger, and more emotionally stable than I’ve ever been. Currently, I am doing Bikram every day, but as long as I do it 3 times a week, I’m golden. Hopefully, Bikram yoga will keep me on the right path because it would be all too easy for me to fall down the slippery slope of crash dieting.

Even though I look as healthy as I feel, I’ve gotten some negative comments from people that were used to seeing me athletic and curvy. I never thought I’d hear someone say to me, “Eat a sandwich”, but it happened; more than once. I don’t understand why people feel entitled to make comments and even suggest that I have a problem. They weren’t worried about me when I was crying every day, struggling with depression. Now I feel fantastic, inside and out. But it was embarrassing to have the people I work with make such inappropriate comments. I'm so proud of the way I look now (finally), but I'm afraid to post pics for my friends to see; afraid they'll either say I'm bragging or speculate about how I lost the weight. You can't win, can you?

I guess that’s all for now. I wanted to say hi to everyone. I admire anyone who is willing to put themselves out there and blog about their struggles.

Peace, Love and Happiness to All