Amelia, Stop Trying to Be So Fucking Perfect

My Mini-Mission Statement

I sincerely want to make a habit out of posting regularly but one of my obsessive perfectionist traits stems from the educational system of my generation. For those of you in your 30’s or older, you might know exactly what I’m talking about. I’m not excluding nor am I making a jab at those that are younger as this is not a statement of judgment or superiority. I’m just aware of many of the changes in the educational system, as well as the use of spontaneous communication through technology which would be greatly impeded if everyone strictly followed “all things grammar”. Basically, some of the old school rules are obsolete and antiquated. I still believe that there needs to be some adherence to proper use of a language, but I do not judge others, especially in a forum that is meant to inspire creative thinking and an organic stream of consciousness expressed freely and unedited.

During my grade school and college years, grammar, spelling and writing composition were of primary importance in all disciplines and studies. All of these elements were seen as paramount for effective communication and vital to the preservation of recording history. We were indirectly taught to judge one’s intelligence and level of education by their ability to communicate (both written and oral). As I always wanted to avoid being mocked or ridiculed in the classroom, I obsessed over these rules and they’ve stuck with me for life. For the most part, it serves me well as I can write a stellar resume or cover letter, and my communication skills on a technical level have helped me in the workplace (but not necessarily in large social circles). The real drawback is that in blogging, I’m sure I come across as overly rehearsed and censored. I’d like to come across as the genuine and creative person that I am, but since there is also a need for anonymity in blogging, the editing becomes a bit tedious and extremely time consuming because I can’t stop editing my grammar and choice of words.

There must be a way for me to break free from this and it should serve as a metaphor for other aspects of my life- imperfections are what make us so perfectly unique and wonderfully human.

**So, for those of you who can’t relate and wish I’d end this diatribe; take heart, as I will make a constant effort to allow myself to be less censored and to give myself permission to not obsess over finding the perfect words for the perfect sentence for the perfect paragraph with the perfect title.

And to those of you who remember all too well the Dewey Decimal System, diagramming sentences and being subjected to the harsh red writing coded by the ultimate grammar book of hell, The Harbrace Handbook, I believe that a happy medium exists between effective grammar and spontaneous writing without the breakdown of communication.

So, this entry is more of a statement, a mini-mission statement . I started this blog to help me let go of some of my fears as well as to communicate my ideas freely. One of my missions is to break free from perfectionist thinking and to embrace a freer form of writing. I assume others will fixate on my errors or judge me for my incoherent sentence structure but I’m fully aware that this type of thinking serves no purpose, especially not here- a place we come to seek out honest words and uncensored thoughts. So I will make a conscious effort to embrace this mission as I continue with this blog. I do this primarily for myself, but also for any of you who chose to read my blog. I don’t want my blog to come across as censored and sterilized because that is not who I am.

So, Cheers to everyone and here’s to letting go and stop trying to be SO FUCKING PERFECT.