Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Reply to Almost Skinny Vegan

( Moonlight Mistress, and Ephemera also expressed interest and I'd love to hear from others.)

After reading her dream post, I had to make comments but what I have to say is way too long for a comment or even a post on my HOME page. So, in interest of not overloading the main blog, I created a page labeled DREAMS. This is where I have posted Skinny Vegan's dream with my comments and questions. I don't know if it makes sense or if it will work but please feel free to read it and then post your comments here.

I'll post resources and links but this has already sucked up most of my day but I'm not complaining. I have to find a way to time manage blogging but since I've been obsessing over this, I quit watching pointless TV, I haven't looked at gossip sites, and I'm not wasting my time doing nothing. This has been therapeutic and just the creative outlet I've needed to get me going in a direction.

Thanks guys and I hope this formatting works. Please let me know if there's any confusion about the page thing or the comments.


  1. YOU LEGEND!!!!
    Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!!!
    I can't believe you made a whole page for dreams :) I'm so glad I left that comment now, even if I thought it was too pushy at the time!
    I just got the book off amazon & can't wait for it to arrive!
    I'm so relieved I've got tears in my eyes..
    I can't tell you how much this means to me. A million thank yous xxx
    p.s. I have no idea where to start with a proper reply, I think I need to read it a few more times and then bury you with questions...

  2. I'm thanking you as much as you're thanking me. I have had NO ONE to talk to about this (open invitation to all, btw). My psychiatrist (who I rarely see because I've been doing so well) totally blew me off a couple of weeks ago when I went to talk to him about a "break through" and some issues I was having. It's been all I can do to remind myself that even Drs make mistakes. But I thought I was going to have to continue this journey, never talking to anyone. I don't know if that makes sense, but I feel the biggest weight lifting off of me.

    So, please. Ask me anything you want. If you prefer to email me so you don't have to worry about making it coherent for others, I'd be happy to reply to you and even post it for others. I've studied this for so long and I have so much research, including thousands of personal accounts, and I have no one to share it with. I'd be happy, over joyed, to organize the information in a way others can understand.

    This is my S.O.S. As far as I've come, it has been lonely and it's hard to keep myself in reality when I spend most of my time preparing my mind for my special sleep mode. That's why I have done so much research. That's why I obsess and observe and record data constantly in my head. Once you enter the realm, you're on your own and it gets pretty fucked up in there.

  3. I'm really glad you posted this. Last night, it really paid for me to clear my mind and wait for dreams to overtake my blissful, unconscious self. You're right, part of having a happy sleep is letting go and allowing that state to carry you without trying to control any part of it after you've slipped off.

    Can't wait to see what else everyone has to say on the topic!


    Firstly another thank you is in order :)

    re: reality vs dreams & mental issues- Do you have any coping techniques for the emotional hangover from nightmares/dreams? I have problems dislocating my emotions from the dream and the reality of the situation. For example a nightmare about a close friend sleeping with my husband (she just told me she slept with a man in a relationship) left me feeling awful around her for days afterwards. I'm talking physically nauseated, on the verge of tears and wanting to hit her kind of emotion- even though logically I know it was a dream I struggle with this often.

    re: doctors- they ran NO tests, they offered NO help, the multiple GPs gave me sleeping pills, the shrink gave me anti depressants and the sleep specialist told me that it was my own fault because I was fat..(obviously not his exact words) granted there was a link to food and I managed to find it on my own years later (if that was even his strangled suggestion) Add to this I have a fear of doctors due to numerous bad experiences so I'm not really jumping at the prospect of starting another huge argument to prove to them that I know something's wrong here.

    re: understanding dreams- I've often looked up the supposed meanings of dreams and if it intrigues me I will attempt to understand it in greater detail but for the most part I have such frustration at the lack of sleep that I want to forget them.. Perhaps I should work on this more?? to be honest I'm scared of knowing exactly how messed up my mind is.

    re: drugs- thank you very much for the recommendations, I will keep them in mind but for now at least I'll aim to stay drug free and do everything physically possible before I have to resort to them...

    re: yoga- I hear you, I'm still building up from yoga dvds and classes at the gym but I can feel the good its doing, I'll definitely look into adding some new Bikram poses in.

    I think you'd make an awesome doctor, one who would actually listen to you. I wanted to be a nurse or vet when I was younger... until I was told I was stupid and would never get the maths grades needed. (I totally disagree now by the way) oh well, I'm still helping people so I'm happy.

  5. re: Behavioral REM Sleep Disorder- Been reading, sounds like me. Freaks me out. You know what's silly- I'm petrified I'll go in for a sleep study and then that will be like the one night everything's fine and they'll just laugh at me and tell me to go away. My sleep changes based on location so this is actually a possibility, I always sleep better on holidays and sometimes I even sleep on the floor or in the living room to get better rest.

    re: Brian Thomas- I DONT WANT TO KILL MY HUSBAND!!! That freaked me right out. Thank you.

    re: buzzing/vibrating/aura- Any more info you could share would be really interesting, even if you just point me in the right direction I'll have a good read. The neurological side of all this is starting to worry me a little, what if something more serious is wrong?

    re: Aspergers- Your doctor is a moron. Go get a second opinion. I made friends with a guy with aspergers at uni recently, he gets help from his doctors and has been working for years with different techniques for making him feel more comfortable in certain situations and how to interact with others.

    re: Ritalin- talked to my friend, she takes other stuff to sleep but thinks ritalin helps her to wear herself out mentally during the day to get better sleep... I was curious so I asked, I'm sure it would do different things to me.

    re: life attitude- Your not a loser, those that matter will see that clear as water. I love your attitude to all this and life in general. You have given me hope and support and I can not thank you enough. I'm trying not to fight my dreams so much and it's been helping. The past couple of nights have still been full of crazy dreams but not as much tension, frustration and movement- I think you're really onto something here!

    Thank you again. I really hope we can continue this conversation too! xxx

  6. Hi Skinny Vegan! I don't have time to reply but don't worry- I have so much more to share with you and you'll be surprised.
    **Please DO NOT WORRY about this being serious or about the Brian Thomas thing. I said, "Don't let it freak you out". It's going to and I know but I wouldn't bombard you with information and leave you hanging in fear. I told you all of that knowing full well that eventually you will understand why the scariest of information will be the stuff that helps you the most. You've been like this your entire life. Me too. Sometimes I worry that this is a precursor to some fatal condition that's going to pop up without warning. This is exactly what my dreaming is helping me to face. I knew that when you shared that information about your dreams, there's no turning back and forgetting it. Your brain and your dreams are fighting you to help you let go or face something. Don't worry. The worst part is the anticipation, the not knowing. Most people with similar conditions have reported that simply having the knowledge drastically changed things.

    I applaud you on the no medication route. Totally agree and understand. Let me get in touch with that expert and see what he recommends or if he'll answer some of your questions. Either way, my friend, you will never be alone because you have proof that there are others and I'm pretty sure I'm sticking around. I need this with you as much, or maybe more, as you needed this contact with me.

    I must go as I have an event to attend. Thank you. Reading this makes me less anxious about socializing this evening. I'm more relaxed because I've connected with all of you. More importantly right now, something amazing has happened inside of my head because of the dreaming discussion. All will be ok. I feel it.

    We needed human connection on this deep and mysterious experience. It's almost as if we're a lost tribe, finding each other through technology. Perhaps allowing us to truly create a community, a culture, something resembling a family. It's not the gaurentee, the promise that I will have this new sense of belonging. It's the sudden burst of this tiny bit of energy inside the pit of my stomach that says,"move forward with this, there is something that will come from this experience and you, along with others, have a change to grow." Promises are like blind faith- it's hard to find a deeper meaning in something that simply just says, "here, take it, don't ask why just do it".

    I ramble, I know. I don't even know if I make sense. But I will be back soon as I have been preparing information for you. Put aside the fear, but more importantly, put aside the doubt others have instilled in you. The doctors did not help because they could not help you, because they don't know how to connect to something they don't experience. This is why Dr. Conesa may be able to help- he's grounded in science and reason, and he experiences all of these things. For me, he changed my life with a single reply to a single email. He answered within hours, as I am not the first to reach out to him and he understands the urgency. I would not have shared that story about Brian Thomas if it were to only offer fear. This is a powerful story, and one that offered great information to the medical world. Brian Thomas had to suffer and experience loss, but it wasn't in vain. You are not as bad as he, I'm almost certain.

    Please, try to breathe as I want to feel certain you'll be ok until I get back. But as I said before, I have to learn to let go of my fears. And part of my fear is not knowing how I'm going to impact someone. I would never want my words to lead to something negative or inspire something bad. I will not leave you hanging.

  7. OK.. I have to laugh. I started the post with "I don't have time to reply" and then proceeded with another epic, run-on diatribe. I see a pattern. I'll try to do better (yeah, right).