I should just read the emails now, right? Anyone? She has sent me 3 or 4 (along with 3 or 4 text messages, and 2 voicemails). We didn't have plans. I never stood her up. We met at a party last October. Since then, I've gone out with her 3 times. THREE TIMES!!! Why do I feel so obligated to be her friend? Am I not allowed to feel a bit overwhelmed? Am I not allowed to have boundaries with people?
I'm going to read the emails soon. I have to because I can't avoid this and keep obsessing over this. I'll read them a lot sooner if anyone has any words of encouragement. I feel like a fucking alien. I've had people blow me off, good friends too. Sometimes people need to be alone or need to focus on other things. Is it wrong of me to think she should be able to understand this?
If I read them and they make me mad, I don't want to tear her a new one either. My honestly can be brutal and when I know I'm right, I'm quite confident in my words. But I don't want to fake anything either.
What the fuck is wrong with me? Anyone? Please submit your diagnosis below. Cut me to the bone, if you want. Tell me how it is. I want to push through this. I want to be pushed. But if you tell me to "just call her", I'm at a loss. I piss people off with my awkwardness which is hilarious seeing as how I'm the one who is AWKWARD!!!! If I call her and I can't answer her questions or if my tone isn't right, well, that never goes over well and people always want a follow up. I'm done with follow ups, if that makes sense. If you don't get me, move along (not you guys). But you get my gist, right? All I'm saying is that I'm as honest as it gets. If that's seen as my greatest fault, then so be it.
We are the same in situations like this...
ReplyDeletePersonally, I think it's rude of her to send you so many e-mails/texts/voice messages after you explained to her why you aren't reaching out to her. If I were her, I would have read your e-mail and been like "Oh, she's has XXX going on right now....that's cool." Then I'd respond once and leave it up to you to contact me again when you felt comfortable and were ready. This business of her being pissed off and sending you multiple messages is crazy.
Read her emails. If you get the sense that she's angry, then I'd say to drop her. It's not worth the effort if you hardly know her. Think of it as a dating experience....you went on a few "dates" with her, you didn't click so now let her down easy. Tell her you are too busy for new friendships right now...esp. ones that are long distance and move on.
But that's just my 2 cents! I have no patience for impatient people! LOL
~MLM
Amen, sister! THANK YOU!!! I appreciate the input from you guys so much. It helps to have at least some confirmation that my expectations aren't so completely out of line. I know I'm weird but I'm actually quite socially conscious and considerate.
ReplyDeleteThanks again. I'm going to read the emails in a while. It's still stressful but I'm just going to have to work through the anxiety and discomfort if I have any hopes of moving on.
READ THEM. If you're getting this worked up about it just get it over and done with! If they're bad- delete, if they're good you can work out what you want from there.
ReplyDelete3 times! haha- if you really clicked and want to start a friendship then yay for you but you don't owe her your life story for 3 dates. Seriously.
Avoid the phone, go with email if you're going to contact her.
You are not crazy, we are all different. We deal thing things and people in different ways, thats what makes life interesting!
You can do it! You can do it! *does a crazy cheerleader dance for you* you never know, she might be trying to help? & if she's being awful then you can just cut her out of your life. Harsh but true.
Good Luck!!! xxxx
I've been in this situation! And it freaking sucks.... a lot!
ReplyDeleteMaybe respond to one of her e-mails and say "Please be patient with me."
Phone is more... personal - and if you want to stay away from personal, e-mail is the way to do it! :)
You are awesome, thanks for the comments! I freaking love your blog. ;) It's nice - it connects to the readers - and it's enjoyable to read. You go! :)
Hiya, Looks like you've gotten some solid advice with the comments above. I say read them and remember she ISN'T your friend, merely an aquaitence, and the amount of harrassing she has done (vm/emails) really is over the top since you arne't long time friends.
ReplyDeleteI would say this is all a sign she might be a possessive type friend, someone who's feelings get hurt easily and very needy of her friends.
I don't deal well with intense people, I'll try once or twice if its a good friend and if the problem isn't resolved by that then... bye bye! Friends disagree and feelings get hurt but if you can't work through it (or don't want to) then there is no point!
~ H
(sorry my response took so long)
It sounds like she's the one with the weird social issues... emails, texts and calls to someone who says I'm too busy with a stressful life right now? Unless she is genuinely concerned (and I don't get the idea that she is or you wouldn't have gotten an angry vibe already) that's over kill.
ReplyDeleteI have a very good friend who drops off the grid alot. I email her to see how she's doing and I know she'll get back to me when her life allows for it and we might even get together if it works out. True friends do this. If this other woman can't be that way then just sever contact. There's no reason to keep someone toxic in your life and if she's going to freak out over such a little thing then she's toxic.